I could be biased, but sex with transmasculine people is fantastic.

A warning up front: this article is not safe for work, unless it’s your very first day at the tiny sausage factory.

This guide is a short introduction to the nuances of intimacy with trans and nonbinary guys, from what to say to what to suck. From awkward conversations to the effects of testosterone on anatomy, these are the basics in making a fun and respectful time.

Be Normal

Like any other how-to guide regarding trans people, this is always the most important point. Transmasculine people aren’t mystical creatures summoned from another dimension to fulfil your fantasies; we’re just guys trying to muddle through this capitalist hellscape like everyone else.

Sure, we have preferences and unique anatomy, but that’s true of any sexual partner. Treat your transmasculine partner like any other masc you think is hot. No need to act like you’ve just discovered a new species or you’re into their transness more than their personality.

Words, words, words

Communication is key in any sexual encounter, but it’s especially important when having sex with trans people.

Every individual will have particular words they prefer to use for their body parts, terms that they never want to hear, and words that make them giddy with joy.

This is the case whether they’ve pursued medical transition or not. Always use the words your partner uses for their body. If they want to call their chest “Twin Peaks” and their butt “Agent Pooper” just roll with it.

Depending on the vibe, request your partner’s preferred terms before getting started, or check in as you go along. Either way, ask – it might feel a little clunky, but it will save even more awkwardness in the long run.

Similarly, be mindful of gendered or fetishistic language during heated moments. Be complimentary without being creepy. “You’re so hot” is a lot better than “I’ve always wanted to be with someone like you.” While some transmasculine people will enjoy masculine sexy talk like “ooh you’re so big” or “I want you to come inside me”, it could make others dysphoric, so again – ask.

Bring your ass, leave the assumptions at home

Don’t assume that just because transmasculine people have a vagina that they’re a bottom.

Just because someone was assigned female at birth doesn’t mean they’re into receiving, penetration, submission, or being the passive partner.

That said, just because someone is masculine doesn’t mean they’re into giving, penetrating, dominating, or taking control.

Transmasculine people are all the same in one crucial way – we’re all individuals who can’t be generalised based on our gender.

The equipment

If your partner has been on testosterone for any length of time, they’ll have some length to deal with.

One of the more interesting effects of testosterone is that causes the clitoris to enlarge, transforming it into a micropenis. While it’s still quite small – usually from 2 to 8 centimetres long – it acts like a regular penis and is capable of erections. However, as it lacks corpus cavernosum, the tissue that engorges with blood and maintains erections in cis men, it’s still a bit soft and bendy even at full mast.

The urethra stays in the same place underneath, so transmasculine people also can’t pee or ejaculate through their penis. Labia, which would form the scrotum in cis men, can have all sorts of reactions to testosterone, growing larger, shrinking, or becoming chunkier or more flaccid. Taste and smell change too, becoming more manly.

Testosterone also has the contradictory effect of making some people extremely wet, and some people extremely dry. Both can be problems, so if you’re preparing to have sex with a transmasculine person for the first time, make sure to have both a towel and some lube handy.

Generally, if your partner is into having their penis touched, they’ll probably want it to be touched in the same ways as any other penis – with one caveat.

Cis men’s genitals have approximately 4000 nerve endings, while cis women’s genitals have around 8000. Trans men’s genitals have the shape of a penis but the nerve density of a clitoris. This means that they’re extraordinarily sensitive, especially in the first year or two of growing. They’re small but mighty, like penis concentrate. Having the underside of the shaft or the head touched unexpectedly can feel like being hit with a sharp sledgehammer, so make sure to work up to those parts slowly.

Most transmasculine people won’t be able to penetrate a vagina or anus with their parts – or if they can, it’ll take some delicate arranging, like sexy Tetris. For this reason, many transmasculine people prefer to use a strap-on or hand-held toys instead.

If a transmasculine person has had top surgery, they’ll likely have reduced or altered sensation in their nipples. However, scar tissue can be very sensitive and touch in that area can be psychologically affecting, so ask your partner what feels good rather than assuming.

Finishing touches

Sex with transmasculine people isn’t particularly complicated and doesn’t require a special manual – just common sense, respect, and good communication.

Relax, enjoy each other’s company, and just focus on having a good time together.