46 min Peep peep!

Chelsea substitution Marc Cucurella is on for Malo Gusto, so Reece James has moved across to right-back.

Half-time reading

‘You want loyalty, go get yourself a dog.’

“There’s also a popular Swedish cop series called Beck,” says Tony Clifton. “Fact. A mate of mine in Sweden met a woman online who told him she was into Beck. He thought she meant the musician. Nope.”

And she wasn’t into that TV nonsense either.

Half time: Man Utd 0-0 Chelsea

45+2 min: Rashford hits the bar! Fernandes, 30 yards out to the left of centre, clips a lovely angled pass over the Chelsea defence. Rashford meets it 10 yards out eight yards out and slides a sidefoot volley off the top of the bar. That’s the last kick of the half.

45+1 min Palmer’s free-kick is headed away by Casemiro.

45 min Dalot is booked for flattening Pedro Neto just outside the area on the left wing. There will be two minutes of added time.

44 min Palmer curls the free-kick beyond the far post, where Madueke (I think) knocks it dangerously back across goal. United eventually scramble the ball clear.

42 min Palmer improvises brilliantly on the halfway line to wrongfoot both Rashford and Casemiro and move into space. Ugarte decides he has to take a yellow card for the team and bundles Palmer over 30 yards from goal.

“That’s the best moment of the half,” says Gary Neville’s of Palmer’s delicious touch.

39 min “Documentary idea: when Pep met Beck,” says Paul Griffin. Face to face interview, covering POMO v tiki-taka, Catalan independence v Cambridgeshire independence, Messi and Xavi v Alan Kimble, and Steve Claridge and physical threats in half time team talks v data in half time team talks. Music by Beck (the other one).”

It took me a sentence and a half to realise you were talking about John Beck and not, you know, Beck Beck.

38 min There’s a load of pushing and shoving in the wall, which delays the free-kick by over two minutes. Eventually Fernandes clips a tame effort into the wall; moments later, Sanchez kicks away Garnacho’s cross from the byline.

36 min Sanchez makes an excellent save from Hojlund, though it wouldn’t have counted as the referee had already given United a free-kick for a foul by Gusto on Ugarte just outside the D. Gusto is booked.

35 min Palmer collects a poor pass from Ugarte in the centre circle and moves all the way to the edge of the area, United’s defenders backpedalling nervously. Eventually he drives a low shot that is again blocked by De Lgt.

34 min The corner is taken short and eventually swung deep. Onana drops the ball and is relieved to grab it at the second attempt.

33 min The relentless Gusto wins another corner, this time off Casemiro. Chelsea have certainly been the smoother side, though there isn’t much in the game overall.

31 min Caicedo is penalised for a late tackle on Fernandes. The referee gives him a warning rather than a card.

30 min Palmer has time to turn on the halfway line and move – he doesn’t run, don’t be so vulgar – into space. He squares the ball to Gusto, who finds the overlapping Madueke, who in turn wins a corner.

The corner is too close to Onana.

28 min “When he appeared seemingly from nowhere, spent ages letting his knee repair, then started scoring a billion goals for a brilliant United side, van Nistelrooy was an easy man to dislike,” says Matt Dony. “And he looked awkward and gangly and weird. We all grow up, and he comes across like a thoughtful, intelligent guy. That’s fine. But how has he turned into such a handsome fella? That picture of him at the top of the feed is amazing! And before anyone suggests it’s the restorative power of a beard and glasses, why doesn’t that work for me? Anyway, back in the rare, but not unprecedented, position of hoping for a United win. Because Chelsea could be a rival for Liverpool. Whereas United, well, we all know…”

I’m sure all Arsenal fans will share your sentiments. The oddity of Van Nistelrooy’s career is that, while he was utterly deadly for his first three seasons, United often weren’t. In fact they won only one league title in his five years at the club, by far their worst run under Sir Alex Ferguson after their breakthrough in 1992-93.

27 min Hojlund delays a through ball to Garnacho, who is then flagged offside. It looked a straightforward decision in real time but replays suggest it was really close, so I’m not sure why the assistant put his flag up.

25 min Gusto finds himself on the left side of the United area in open play. He knocks the ball infield to Jackson, who tries to lob the ball over the last defender but gets too much on it.

24 min Garnacho curls straight at Sanchez from the edge of the area after a rapid United break. It was on his weaker left foot, hence the.

22 min Rashford beats Gusto with a dizzying flip-flap and slides a low cross that is kicked away by Sanchez at the near post. The rebound comes quickly to Fernandes, who doesn’t have time to adjust his body position and shoots over the bar.

Hojlund thought he was fouled off the ball, and in the area, by Colwill in the build up. I’m not sure he was; more importantly the Stockley Park Massive aren’t interested.

19 min Onana plays a very dangerous pass to Casemiro, facing his own goal on the edge of the area. Caicedo (I think) is on him like a shot and Casemiro is relieved to see his clearance/pass deflect off Caicedo and loop over the bar.

I’ll say it again: John Beck’s Cambridge did not have this problem. Not once, not ever.

18 min Chelsea are starting to dominate possession in their slow-slow-slow-quick style. After a promising, patient move, Neto’s deep cross is headed away well by Martinez at the far post.

16 min “Burberry,” is the subject of Joe Pearson’s email. “In defence of Gary, that ‘Open Spaces’ ad was pretty cool.”

What are you all talking about? Hang on, are you the crew? IS SOMETHING BRILLIANT HAPPENING?

14 min: Madueke hits the post! Palmer’s inswinging corner is headed against the outside of the near post by Madueke, barely four yards from goal. Fofana was behind him and would have had a better chance, although Madueke was entitled to go for it. The ball ran loose to Colwill, who hit the side netting and was then wiped out by Martinez. VAR isn’t interested.

13 min Chelsea are starting to look dangerous, particularly in transition. Madueke plays in the underlapping Gusto, whose cross is put behind for a corner by Martinez.

11 min Casemiro is playing as the right-sided central midfielder, which means he’s directly up against Cole Palmer. I guess Ruud van Nistelrooy values Casemiro’s experience and intelligence over Ugarte’s mobility.

9 min The first opening for Chelsea. A risky square pass from Casemiro is nicked by Caicedo, who slides it quickly forward to Palmer in the area. He tries to discombobulate De Ligt with a body swerve or 12 but De Ligt keeps his eyes on the prize (well, the ball) and blocks Palmer’s eventual shot.

6 min “Four words,” says Gary Naylor. “Cole Palmer: Burberry advert.”

One word. Eh?

5 min United are pressing with intent and have won the ball high up the field on a couple of occasions. No openings for either side though.

3 min Man Utd have started with Mazraoui at left-back rather than Dalot, and Rashford on the left wing for now. Reece James is at left-back for Chelsea, which means there are four natural right-backs on the field. See, some people do want to be Gary Neville when they grow up.

Man Utd (4-2-3-1) Onana; Dalot, de Ligt, Martinez, Mazraoui; Casemiro, Ugarte; Garnacho, Fernandes, Rashford; Hojlund.

Chelsea (4-2-3-1) Sanchez; Gusto, Fofana, Colwill, James; Caicedo, Lavia; Madueke, Palmer, Pedro Neto; Jackson.

1 min After a lusty rendition of Take Me Home United Road, Rasmus Hojlund has the first kick of the match. United are kicking from left to right on the gogglebox.

The captains Bruno Fernandes and Reece James lead their teams onto the field. I didn’t realise that the last Chelsea manager to win at Old Trafford was… Rafa Benitez, back in May 2013.

Ruud van Nistelrooy scored a few goals against Chelsea back in the day. He also forced one of the great Premier League saves from Carlo Cudicini in January 2003.

A lot has been written about Erik ten Hag this week, but nothing better than this forensic piece by Tim de Lisle. It’s full of great lines, shrewd analysis and original observations.

It wasn’t just the results. Ten Hag’s team had less of an identity after 26 months than Unai Emery’s Villa or Ange Postecoglou’s Spurs had in six. He often sent out a team that you just knew would get overrun in midfield. His substitutions seldom made them better: he managed to overturn the proud United tradition of the Fergie-time winner, losing more PL games to goals in 90+ minutes than all his predecessors put together.

A reminder of the teams

Man Utd (4-2-3-1) Onana; Mazraoui, de Ligt, Martinez, Dalot; Ugarte, Casemiro; Rashford, Fernandes, Garnacho; Hojlund.
Substitutes: Bayindir, Lindelof, Zirkzee, Diallo, Evans, Wheatley, Amass, Fletcher, Fitzgerald.

Chelsea (4-2-3-1) Sanchez; Gusto, Fofana, Colwill, James; Caicedo, Lavia; Madueke, Palmer, Pedro Neto; Jackson.
Substitutes: Jorgensen, Cucurella, Adarabioyo, Badiashile, Fernandez, Mudryk, Joao Felix, Nkunku, Veiga.

Referee Robert Jones.

Match report: Tottenham 4-1 Aston Villa

Ruud van Nistelrooy’s pre-match thoughts

It’s been a week of mixed emotions – Erik leaving, taking over, Wednesday’s game and how it went.

There’s been no contact [with Ruben Amorim]. It’s been communicated to the players that I’ll be in charge until next Sunday and then the new manager will take over. That means we can focus on trying to win the next three games.

From the archive

A League Cup meeting, instantly forgettable were it not for one of football’s greatest-ever juxtapositions of beauty and the beast. Ron Harris had many qualities, but subtlety was not one of them.

Here he is heaving into view from way out, belabouring George Best’s ankles with a proper old-school reducer. It’s a textbook piece of uberviolence – a vicious sliding tackle perfectly timed and executed, as graceful as brutality can ever get – but it was all for naught. Best ignored Chopper’s galoot-isms, somehow retained his balance – despite being kicked almost horizontal in mid-air – and continued his run.

Beauty and the beast. As the willowy, long-haired Best sashays round the keeper and calmly slots home, as androgynous as you like, Harris, bloated with testosterone, picks himself heavily off the turf.

This pass, though. I just can’t get enough.

Read Jacob Steinberg on the quietly impressive Enzo Maresca

This is a process and not the story of one man reviving a sinking ship. The bigger point is Maresca has fitted into Chelsea’s structure. He has collaborated with the sporting directors, Paul Winstanley and Laurence Stewart, and judging him solely on results is reductive. The more pertinent question is whether Maresca is improving his players, finding common ground with the recruitment team and working productively across a set-up implemented by Stewart and Winstanley. So far the answer is yes.

“I don’t know enough about football to throw around words like ‘tactical discipline’ and whatnot but watching Cole Palmer now you get the sense that he would’ve never flourished as much under Pep, no?” says Phil Podolsky. “It’s not that Pep is Tony Pulis exactly but you know what I mean, right? Which reminds me what you once wrote about RvN’s move to Madrid – that it was a rare transfer that was beneficial for all the three parties involved. Maybe Palmer to Chelsea was like that too? Except I suspect that City wouldn’t mind having him in the squad now.”

I agree. Palmer is best with a blank canvas, and Pep doesn’t really do those. That said, Palmer could still have played from the right for City and scored 20+ goals a season.

Full time: Tottenham 4-1 Aston Villa

Spurs, who were 1-0 down at half-time, blew Aston Villa away in an electric second half. John Brewin has all the details.

Ruud van Nistelrooy will manage United for three more games, all at Old Trafford, while Ruben Amorim serves his notice at Sporting Lisbon.

Read Jonathan Wilson on Ruben Amorim

In Amorim, United finally have one of the thrusting pups of European management, somebody who drew interest from both Liverpool and Manchester City. Not only that, but there is an obvious similarity to [Sir Alex] Ferguson in that in a league that is essentially a duopoly, he took a third force to the title.

Team news

Preamble